Well, who's kidding. It's me. I've got many somethings to say. All the time. But....something in particular I wanted to expand on tonight. Before I feed my beautiful 5 month old daughter and then promptly pass out. (Who knew a 5 month old + a 4 year old + work + cleaning + laundry + somuchmore meant one exhausted mama?!)
There has been something I've encountered a lot of lately. Something that has left a bad taste in my mouth and a weight on my heart. That is intolerance. Intolerance of other people's choices. Their religion. Their diet. Their clothes. Their car. Their phone. Their hair. Their tattoos. Their orientation, sexual or otherwise. Intolerance of another person as a whole basically. All because they do not agree on something. Or somethingS. Still, this intolerance. It astounds me. It's hurts my heart, even if it's not aimed at me.
God calls us to love one another. Unconditionally, unsparingly, and with our whole hearts. Now, to say this is easy is....in one word...unbelievablyridiculous. That's kind of the beauty of it. To love someone unconditionally means to challenge ourselves as a human being, as a follower of Christ, and it helps us grow. I'm not sure I know one person, who has chosen to extend love and tolerance to others that doesn't lead a happier life. Loving someone doesn't mean agreeing with them all the time. Loving someone doesn't mean that you'll understand them, relate to them, or even like them, 100% of the time. What gets me is the lack of selflessness I see in others to say "Hey, maybe I don't understand or agree with them...but I bet they are making a decision they feel, with their whole heart, is right for them. For their family. For their life."
My personal belief is you do not need to believe in God to have the ability, or hopefully the willingness, to take the time to understand where someone you love is coming from. I fully believe that knowing and accepting who God is, what he's done for us, and expects from us, gives us the ability to be more loving and tolerant of others. It should anyway.
BUT, I digress.
In my life, I've made an array of decisions. ((Shocking, I know!)) Some I look back on now and wonder "what in the hell was I thinking, where was MY jimminey cricket?". Some, I couldn't see my life without. The wonderful thing about it is, whether or not I knew it then..or know it yet...each decision has shaped the type of person I am today. I was raised in a manner that let me know I would accept and face the consequences of my decisions. It's not to say I wouldn't go back and change some decisions if I could....because...I'd have some serious thinking to do if that were an option. What I face as an adult, as a mama especially, is that my decisions now affect these tiny human beings that trust me with their whole being. My children. [[ I can confidently focus on my children, because my husband is a large part of almost every decision I make, so he isn't clueless to the consequences that may come.]] Being that I have a 4 year old son in preschool and a 5 month old daughter...I get a lot of advice from many different people. If I'm being quite honest, I appreciate any and all advice offered because most of the time my biggest frustration or anxiety is not knowing where to start. Whether I'm talking about breastfeeding, if my son is ready for kindergarten, or what cute outfit I just *have* to purchase and show my kids off in.
What I've run into most over the past 4 years, and especially these past 5 months, is other moms who will not, in my opinion, even try and understand some of the decisions I've made for my children. One topic in particular is quickly making its way to the top of my 'ermahgaawd, I'm never going to talk to anyone about this ever again' list. That's breastfeeding. Not breastfeeding in general, but ME breastfeeding. Recently, I've had to stop due to some new medication I need to help with arthritis. This is both heartbreaking and relieving at the same time. I've been in some pain for a while now thanks to arthritis. Its always been an ongoing thing in my life, but I've usually been able to grin and bare or manage the pain. Until this Fall. It was a hard decision to admit to my husband that I'm in so much pain I can not longer button our daughter's onesies. It was a hard decision to pick up the phone to call my doctor and make an appointment. It was a hard decision to accept my doctor, who I trust very much, say that the best plan of action to ensure I have less, or maybe no, pain...is to take medicine in which I am unable to breastfeed on. I mean, even if you don't believe (although it's been proven) that breastfeeding is the best source of nutrition for your baby....who wouldn't want that sweet, and might I add limited, bonding time with your precious infant?
It goes without saying that there are many ways to bond with and love on your infant. So lets not go to crazy with my last statement, huh?
Anyhow, I know I'm personally probably making this particular happening in my life more dramatic because I know that I have some insecurity in my decision. I wanted so bad to go a full year so she got the most of all the amazing benefits from breastfeeding. I let people who challenge my decision not just hurt me like when someone pushes on a sore bruise, but I allow them it to make me question the decision I've made. Which in turn makes me remember and challenge other decisions I've wrestled over or struggled with. I'm, of course, not referring to people offering helpful advice in situations where they've seen my struggle or I've asked for it. I'm referring to those people who battle every explanation I've given with a reason why my decision for my daughter and my family is not right. The feeling of not being accepted as a mother who has chosen the best for her children is, for me, unbearable. I've recently come to the realization though....that's because I let it be unbearable. In reality, when I'm not emotional about the frustration some people bring, it's them I feel sorry for. Them I should most definitely say a prayer for. Those people who constantly feel the need to tackle others with their beliefs, religious or otherwise, are probably the people who are the least content in their life. Not everyone is going to believe the same thing as the next person, why do people feel the need to challenge, degrade, and change that?
My most important job on this planet, and in this lifetime, will be taking care of those two beautiful children. Maybe one day more. To raise them to be God fearing, God loving, respectful, knowledgeable, happy, selfless, and loving adults. My greatest accomplishment will be knowing I've done the best I could for those children. And where I lack, God fills those holes. Moments like these I feel myself sigh a sigh of relief. I'm not alone. Not only do I have a loving husband to help raise these beautiful children, but a loving God who will fill voids where I fall short.
Who is anyone to judge me for choosing to stop breastfeeding at 5 months? for vaccinating my children? Why are people intolerant of my choice to spank my child, if I deem it necessary-which I'll have you know is a lot less than it could be. These are just some of the issues, as a mama-and a tired one at that-I am encountering in my life right now. There are many issues..political, religious, social, etc.. that I could use to express my frustration..but this is what's heavy on my heart tonight. What I needed to get off my chest. I want to be in a world where I feel like people are more tolerant of others. Where the advice given to a friend is just that...advice. Not a demand or expectation in the form of advice. No backhanded comments or belittling my decisions because you may not understand or agree with them.
Am I reaching anyone with this? Does any of this even make sense? Or am I just rambling through writing, like I so commonly do while talking?
Maybe one day I'll know. Maybe not. What I do know, I feel better. I realized even while writing this that I have tolerance and love to work on, too. Not that I had thought otherwise. If you leave with one thing tonight...let it be that, although you may not realize you're doing it...if you're challenging a decision someone else has made for their life, and you may not know all the circumstances-or you do and just don't agree-don't lose sight of the fact that you're called (as a human being if nothing else) to love others. How you love them is up to you. But love them nonetheless. Realize you may be hurting someone more than you know by questioning what you don't understand. We all have opinions, thoughts, expectations. Not everyone is right, but certainly not everyone else is wrong.
Thanks for reading!
< 3 MamaMack
